Monday, March 9, 2009

Will I ever find my happy place?

I know, I know, it's been like forever since my last post. I'M SORRY to all you loyal followers (if there are any of you out there hehe.)

The past few weeks have been very hectic. I am so busy all the time and therefore much, much more tired ALL THE TIME! Every morning I wake up between 7 and 8, even though I stay up WAY late (oooops) and end up falling back asleep after breakfast! Because of this I've been late for my workouts, which I try to squeeze in before work at Lifetime in Schaumburg, or at home on my trainer or outside around the neighborhood. My knee is all healed now (YAY!) but it's hard for me to do runs longer than 90 minutes on a treadmill and the weather has been rainy, yucky and, yep you guessed it, still freakin cold! Then on the days I actually could run or bike outside I'm either sick, wayyyy to tired and sleeping, or I have to work or study. Bottom line: I REALLY NEED TO GET MY BUTT OUTSIDE... before I get even more depressed than I already am.

A couple Friday's ago I received an acceptance letter to the post-baccalaureate program I applied to at the University of Northern Colorado's Denver campus. I applied to this almost a year ago, so it was upsetting that I received the letter after I already moved back to Chicago AND began the Master's program at Roosevelt. My mind started racing as soon as I opened the letter with "what ifs" and "what am I doing in Chicagos." Let's just say I was a mess for a couple days. I even researched how much money I would lose if I dropped out of Roosevelt and just moved back to CO went to UNC. I miss the mountains, training outdoors, all the random Ironman triathletes I would meet out there, BIKING WITH LAURA (I MISS YOU!) running on the trails along the river, running and biking in the mountains, taking Hannah on hikes in the mountains... I could go on and on for days. Eventually I just sunk back into reality: in this economic time the best thing for me to do is stay at Roosevelt for another year and a half... then get the H-E-double hockey sticks outta here ASAP!!!! I told myself I will be 25 when I graduate and that is still young. I can start a whole new life then when I get a job far far away from winter in Chicago. Seriously, I don't know how I will do it again next year though....... tear!

Ugh, so can you tell I've been in a slump lately?! I feel white (no sun and no outdoor time to keep my sexy biking shorts tan line), fat (this weather makes me so hungry all the time and I know I'm eating too much but it's hard to control), sad, friendless (where are all the friends who said they would hang out with me when I moved back and that they missed me so much the past 6 years?), dependent (living back with the parents is harder than I thought, more on my self-esteem then annoyance of living with them) and many other things. Right now it's cold and raining outside. Seriously WTF? Will it ever stop? Please God just give me better weather!

Could I complain any more? Oh yeah, but I will spare you!

One thing I do like about being back in IL is Panera Bread. I love that place. I go there with my laptop, order yummy food, use the free WiFi and work on homework for hours and hours all while staring outside at the crappy rain! However (ok a little more complaining here sorry) I would give up Panera for some Great Harvest Bread Company with a view of the Rockies, a closer Whole Foods, Pita Jungle, the list could go on and on of what I miss about CO and AZ. Today I ate a fortune cookie and it said something longing for personal independence. Spot on!

I'm excited to be going to Minnesota this weekend to see Luanne and her baby Cailyn! Although it will again cause some conflicts with my workout schedule, it will be worth it to see her and I can't wait! I know Lifetime is based out of MN, so maybe I'll hit up the pool, spin classes and the treadmills if its freezing up there before I head home on Sunday. The drive is about 5 hours, that kinda sucks but its the price I'm willing to pay to spend time with people that matter most to me :) (Hear that Lu Dogg, you owe me one hahah!)

Before I end this post of complaining I have to congratulate Elizabeth on an awesome Ironman New Zealand!!!!! She had a kick ass swim and bike time! And second in our age group! Awesome! And I'd also like to thank her coach, Jen, for reaching out to me and inviting me to my first ever masters swim practice! I went on Sunday and had a lot of fun. I even learned the breast stroke, back stroke and butterfly finally! I've always been to scared that I would look like a total dork if I tried them on my own. I still looked like a total dork, but I managed to do a couple lengths of butterfly on my first try which was awesome. I still feel like a dork trying to do it at Lifetime though! I also got a lot of very helpful hints on my freestyle, which I tried to think about today in the pool, and on my flip turn (I kinda sorta maybe, ok well I did make up my own way to do a flip turn because no one ever taught me and I think they kinda noticed that too LOL!) But it was great and I definitely plan on attending more often now that I'm not scared anymore!

See it's already 12:30 a.m. and I'm still up. I need to start gettin to bed earlier so I can get up and get some good workouts in before work and school! I'll let you know how that is going in my next post!

Trying to stay happy,

XOXO
Cori

No comments: